Postgame: Pathetic

Tonight, the 29th place Ottawa Senators strolled into the ACC on the second half of a back-to-back, on the road, having just been pumped for 8 goals against less than 24 hours ago.

So, naturally, they beat the Leafs.

The English language has yet to produce the words capable of describing how pathetic that is. Let’s just get to the stupid game.


Chart from Corsica.Hockey

The Leafs dominated the possession game and still lost. Life is full of disappointments. Welcome to the real world.

1st Period

It’s been well publicized that Travis Dermott was a healthy scratch tonight. Apparently, according to the dumbest tweet I have ever read, it was meant to keep him “hungry”.

First of all, that’s a legitimately embarrassing decision. Secondly, it just gets more embarrassing upon realizing he was scratched so Roman Polak could fart his way around the ice.

Imagine yourself as Dermott for a second. You’ve performed splendidly in your first two NHL games, and you’re now beginning to build momentum, only to then be healthy scratched.

Bummer, right?

So later, while sitting in the press box watching your team play without you, the player you were scratched for does this.

You literally cannot make this stuff up.

A few minutes following that embarrassment, Matt Duchene made a fool out of Jake Gardiner along the boards to set up Mike Hoffman for a tap-in. Just like that, it’s 2-0.

All you can really do is laugh.

I feel the need to reiterate something here. The Senators allowed 8 goals against LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO. And you’re letting them play you like this?


2nd Period

Andreas Borgman, one of Earth’s few remaining beacons of hope, blasts a shot from the point to pull the Leafs within one.

Suddenly, there’s hope. What a wonderful feeling! Can you imagine how good Borgman would be if he was paired with literally anyone else? 

And on the bright side, this game wasn’t all doom and gloom.

At least we got to watch former-Leaf Dion Phaneuf get dangled out of his jock by Zach Hyman. Zach Hyman! That’s like getting beaten in an arm wrestle by someone who doesn’t have arms.

Other than that, not much happened in the 2nd period. Like the Ottawa Senators as a franchise, it was both boring and a disappointment. The only difference is the period wouldn’t have threatened to relocate if I stopped watching it.

3rd Period

Less than a minute in, JVR ties the game at 2 by doing what he does best; potting one from the edge of the crease.

Has JVR ever scored a goal more than 3 feet out from the net? Who cares! I’m just dreaming about showering him with dollar bills this summer.

In my opinion, there hasn’t been enough Auston Matthews love lately.

Now, remember when Sens fans got all hot and bothered about the amount of Matthews media coverage because they genuinely thought Mark Stone was just as good? Call me crazy, but I don’t remember the last time Stone did anything like this.

And for one, blissful second I forgot I was talking about the Toronto Maple Leafs. So that’s what joy feels like? How silly of me.

If you didn’t immediately think “how are the Leafs going to blow this one?” when JVR tied it, then you haven’t been watching this team long enough. And lo and behold, they blew it!

Guess who forgot to “clear the net”?

Classic Roman!

Losing to a borderline-AHL squad must have really annoyed Morgan Rielly. Because, from that moment on, he proceeded to take it upon himself to drag his team back from the brink. Rielly’s efforts were later rewarded when he fired a wrister from the point that somehow snuck by Craig Anderson.

Suddenly, we have a tie game.

……aaaaaaaaand it’s gone.

The good news is that at some point, the sun will envelop the Earth, wiping out all traces of life on the planet. So, when you think about it, nothing – including this goal – really matters. We’ll all be dead.

Anyway, the Leafs ended up losing in the most self-inflicted fashion possible. Thankfully, we are now rewarded with a 6-day break from this stupid team. I wish it were longer.

Tweets: Roman Polak Edition

Less likely to score on his own net that way.

Leafs (Rogue) Nation. Get it? Because of the Mission Impossible movie? Ah, forget it.


Huge, if true.

Enjoy your 6-day break, folks. After this one, we all need it.





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  • lukewarmwater

    As an astronomer Mike I am aware out yellow star will become a red star and will fry not only the earth but the whole solar system. Even Al Gore and David Suzuki and their hundreds of millions won’t survive. But regarding the leafs, nah screw the leafs for that garbage tonight. Now back to Astronomy, January 31st this month we will have a special treat a Blue moon, super moon lunar eclipse. HOW ABOUT THAT. As you astutely point out maybe the leafs can eclipse Polak and Gardiner.
    The leafs break obviously started today because with the exception of a couple of players no one showed up at the rink.
    THIS JUST HOT OFF THE WIRE. Mike Babcock was doing his usual walk on water journey tonight and he began sinking. The stock market has been lowering his value from $50 million. Yep the genius has to start taking some heat for some bizarre decisions but why ruin a perfectly good night by talking about the leafs anymore.
    Heh as usual solid article keep up the fiesty, humour in your writing style.

      • lukewarmwater

        Yeah I just saw a specialist today and he said I got 20 more years. I said Doc, Doc that is the greatest news I could receive. I still have hope to see the leafs win another cup. He roared with laughter, as the bible states a merry heart doeth like good medicine. The leafs have required me to have a sense of humour to substitute for a hell of a lot of good medicine. Now where is that bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

  • Capt.Jay

    I know this is a broken record but we are only 2 games above .500 in 36 games since going 7-1 to start the year. This is on Babcock changing the way these guys naturally play. I’ve never been a fan of his and am losing confidence in his asset management abilities.

    This is on Babcock. Deciding to play defence only the whole third period against the blue jackets bit him in the ass, and whatever system he was trying to apply yesterday looked dreadful as the players didn’t look to be buying into it.

    • Bob Canuck

      “Deciding to play defence only the whole third period …”

      The facts don’t support this assertion. In the third period of the Columbus game, the Leafs out shot the Blue Jackets 15 to 8 and had more shot attempts (24 to 17). Given that the Leafs had the lead, this is hardly evidence of a defense-only strategy.

      “whatever system he was trying to apply yesterday looked dreadful as the players didn’t look to be buying into it.”

      At 5-v-5, the Leafs out shot the Senators 48 to 32, shot attempts were 93 to 50 in favour of Toronto, and the expected goals were 6.68 and 4.13 for Toronto and Ottawa, respectively. Given such domination, the claim that the players were not buying into the system is fanciful.

      The Leafs lost these two games partly because they made unnecessary defensive miscues and partly due to outstanding opposition goaltending, particularly in last night’s game.

      • Capt.Jay

        Coulda swore I watched the Leafs stop their forechecking in the third and clog the neutal zone. Shots from outside the blue line count as shots for as well.

        I watched the game and what I said was factual because its what happened, you can argue it all you want. Even the announcers called it beautiful playoff defense till the 2 goals were scored.

        But let’s keep quoting. It’s fun.

          • Capt.Jay

            Thanks Luke. I think we’re all a little frustrated after the taste of success we had at the begining of the season. Myself as much as anyone. I keep having to remind myself we are still a very young team.


        • Bob Canuck

          “Shots from outside the blue line count as shots for as well.”

          Per Natural Stat Trick, the third period 5v5 scoring chances in the Toronto-Columbus game were 11 to 7 in Toronto’s favour. The high danger scoring chances were Toronto 7 and Columbus 3. For the record, shots outside the blue line are neither scoring chances nor high danger scoring chances. Therefore, your comment regarding shots outside the blue line ignores the fact that the team that you claim played “defence only” had 70% of the 5v5 high danger scoring chances.


          I noticed that you did not respond to my comment regarding the Leafs-Senators game. The Leafs dominated at 5v5 which belies your comment that the Leafs were ” not buying into it (the system)”.

          • Capt.Jay

            You guys are right with your advanced stats. They haven’t been trying to play defense first and have been playing run and gun offence all season. Their record since their 7-1 start indicates no change in the way they played.

            I believe it was advanced stats that said Marincin was a really good defenceman

            And since you seem to be a “facts” guy through advanced stats, I should probably clarify that I’m being sarcastic.

        • Bob Canuck

          For the sake of accuracy, I incorrectly included the overtime data with the third-period stats. The actual shots on goal were 13 to 4 in Toronto’s favour. The total shot attempts were Toronto 20 and Columbus 13.

          • Niceguytrieshardlovesthegame

            It’s so refreshing to see some analysis from a fan that incorporates the “eye-test” with the fancy stats. Great job Bob! I think it’s funny how the same people keep piling on Babcock out of convenience of the result and don’t really see that the outcomes were a sum of a few bad decisions. His postgame interviews outline perfectly that he understands what just happened in the game. Haters gonna hate, but when the fundamentals of his teachings actually come to fruition we will bear witness to the process.

            Do I agree with everything? No (Dermott), but I respect this process and am willing to maintain patience while the Shanaplan unfolds. I honestly think a lot of lineup decisions and ice time allocation is posturing for the personnel changes that are imminent and all the trolls will have an “aha!” moment when the dust settles.

            Keep up with the great work Bobby Canuck!

          • Bob Canuck

            Capt. Jay,

            I made no comment about the Leafs style of play over the course of this season. I offered data that contradicted your statement that the Leafs played “defence only” in the third period of the Columbus game. There was no need for you to use a straw-man argument.


            Further to your comment regards shots outside the blue line, click on the link below and you will see that all of the shots on goal by the Leafs in the third period were from inside the blue line.



          • Capt.Jay

            No worries guys. I think I’m done with this as Im sure you guys are too. If the stats says otherwise then fine. I don’t like advanced stats as I think they are misleading. All I know is that when I watched the game with 13 minutes left to go the announcers made a comment on their defensive abilities and how they went into a shell. I also noticed the blue jackets had all the time in the world to leave their zone as they weren’t pressured at all because the Leafs clogged the neutral zone and stopped the forecheck.

            Cheers guys.

            Go Leafs Go!

        • lukewarmwater

          I think I’m getting spoiled a bit by my Raptors who have lost only 2 home games all year and beat the bleep out of Lebron and his team tonight by 34 points.