After a bunch of hype and mild concern, the Toronto Maple Leafs signed Auston Matthews and proved that the whole situation was much ado about nothing. That’s great, and we all can’t wait to see him go at least 30/30 with his eyes closed as a teenager, but this now leaves us with a void as far as talking points.
Luckily, I’ve got your back. Here’s a baker’s dozen worth of ideas to get your screaming juices flowing.
- They aren’t related and they don’t even spell their names the same way, but will the Leafs keep Kerby Rychel out of the shootout just to be safe?
- Now that the Toronto Maple Leafs seem to want to move on from Joffrey Lupul, why will he somehow end up healthy for all 82 games this year?
- What does Frank Corrado’s sister wearing a Doug Gilmour jersey instead of his own say about his arbitration process?
- Why hasn’t Dmytro Timashov legally changed his name to Nitro Mysteron yet?
- Why haven’t the Leafs put in a bid for Paul Pogba? He’s 23 years old, would bolster Toronto’s depth down the middle, and I’m pretty sure transfer fees don’t count the Salary Cap.
- What does the Drowsee and Pidgey population near the Air Canada Centre say about the Leafs’ style of play and roster in the post-Carlyle era?
- If Jared Cowen wins the Norris Trophy, do the Leafs still buy out the last month of his contract out of spite?
- Is Byron Froese a sandwich?
- With the Leafs likely to have the four best rookies in the NHL next year, should the league consider a new balloting system to make sure they don’t cancel each other out?
- If Matt Martin and Leo Komarov went into the boards against each other, would the ensuing collision create an unrepairable wormhole?
- Did the Leafs acquire Brooks Laich solely so he could tell Alexander Ovechkin how great it is playing for his teenaged dream team, and how hard is it going to be to fit Ovechkin and McDavid under the cap in back to back summers?
- What does the lack of perogies in Toronto’s pre-game meals say about their respect for Tyler Bozak?
- Is Roman Polak actually the world’s least subtle Italian-Polish spy?
- How many defencemen would have to get hurt for the Leafs pull Stephane Robidas out of his cage?
I suppose we could talk about normal things, like how the team might do next year, who may or may not make it on the roster, or how players are progressing through offseason, but what’s the point if we can’t be outlandish and crazy?