#mycolumn: january 5

Hey guys welcome to my column, the only column that is mine.
First off, Happy 2015. This is my first column of the new year. Can’t wait to bless you faithful readers with lots of these in 2015. Really looking forward to it. 
With the mandatory nice greeting out of the way, let’s get right into it.

New Year’s Devolutions

Did you catch the joke in the title? I wrote New Year’s Devolutions instead of Resolutions because it sounds very similar but is instead about how bad (which is what “de-“ means when used at the beginning of a word) things are going in Toronto in regards to the Maple Leafs, which is who this website covers.
I’m just having fun with you guys – of course you know all this, just wanted to start out the new year on a funny note haha. 
Enough funny business. These Leafs are once again bad. It would be disconcerting if it wasn’t so puzzling! For the last three years, the Leafs have really stunk it up despite having a top player, some underrated complimentary pieces, and really strong goaltending. And even with trying out new players here and there, the Leafs are still not that great! It’s weird – there really isn’t a common element that has been in place for the last three years – they’ve even tried firing the General Manager! I hope they figure it out soon because I’m all out of ideas and I bet they are too. They’ve really tried absolutely everything to fix this team. 

Top Prospects at the World Juniors!

I don’t know if you guys are in the know, but there is a big tournament that starts on Boxing Day every year called the World Juniors. In it, future hockey stars 19 and younger compete for their countries! It’s really pretty great. I like that it is kind of only for those “in the know” and that coverage of it hasn’t been blown way out of proportion by a sports channel desperately looking for anything to save its ratings now that it has expanded way beyond its means even though it lost a huge television contract!
Well anyways, some of the top prospects of the Maple Leafs are playing! It’s pretty cool. For example, 2013 1st Round Pick Frederik Gauthier – who is a big C that can win face-offs pretty well by the way – is playing a crucial role for team Canada in the event. It’s been pretty awesome to watch him play. He really wins those face-offs!
The other Leafs prospect is someone you might know – William Nylander. He plays for Sweden and contributed a lot of points for them. Unfortunately, they lost to Russia in the semi-finals. Hmm, a guy who is known to get points in games that don’t really matter and doesn’t do anything in a big time game? He’ll fit in with the Leafs for sure!
Anyways the World Juniors are fun. I recommend watching next year when it is on – I imagine there will be a little bit more coverage of it, but I hope not too much! 

New Year’s Resolutions 

Okay so this time I didn’t make a joke, the title is simply New Year’s Resolutions. For this segment I wanted to talk about what I think the New Year’s Resolutions are for some Maple Leafs, and then also what those New Year’s Resolutions actually should be. It’s a fun time! Let’s go!
Phil Kessel
What It Probably Is: Eat more cookies
What It Should Be: Backcheck
See! It’s a fun game that we can all laugh at! Let’s do another:
Tyler Bozak
What It Probably Is: Play more Call of Duty
What It Should Be: Get my own place
The joke is that TyBo lives in Phil’s guest room! Grow up, Bozie!
Randy Carlyle
What It Probably Is: Get guys to compete more
What it Should Be: To actually get a clue
It’s funny because Randy Carlyle doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing!
Dion Phaneuf
What It Probably Is: Be a better leader
What It Should Be: Be a leader
How can he be a better leader when he’s not a leader to begin with?? Really makes you think!
Brendan Shanahan
What It Probably Is: Fix the Leafs
What it Should Be: Solve world poverty
The joke is that solving world poverty would be easier than fixing the Leafs!
Okay so those are just a few to get you started. Write your funnies in the comments. Can’t wait to see them!

  • jasken

    Yes let’s get right to it here’s what happening Shanny’s hiding away from scrutiny and media and observing and assessing he’s got his fall guys in Carlyle and Nonis. But he also knows their not the problem, when your players can tell Shanny they wont do something and there is no accountability to those players things need to change. If Kessel says I wont do that really what can they do bench him? Trade him? reduce ice time? It dont matter if it is Carlyle, Wilson, Babcock, or whoever else you stick in that coaching spot if Kessel says he wont do something, there is no one who is going to make sure he does. There is no accountability for players that have no movement or trade clauses.

    The GM’s made sure the only players Carlyle actually has any control over are the non core pieces. The rest can basically tell the coaches and Shanny himself to shove it and there is not a thing they can do about it.