my column: november 24

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Hi welcome to my column, the only column that is mine. I’d like to first get something off my chest *finishes his set of 250 pound bench press, sticks his tongue out at roman polak*. Okay but for real there was a lot of good feedback after last week’s my column. I have incorporated it into this column. I was told to make it more readable so I have done that by using actual punctuation sometimes which is annoying. Your Welcome readers. Secondly, I was told to get a new pen name that was better and that name is now Hockey McCanada. 

Secondly, I’d like to thank all of the readers who have nominated my column for best and most consistent column of the year. Maybe Elliotte Friedman can take some notes on getting 30 thoughts up on time every week. As you can see i have columns up two Mondays in a row. Sidenote I think another column that Friedman should write is 30 Thots that would be a lot more interesting if you ask me.
Ab-Salute-ly Digusting
It’s been cold and miserable in Toronto this week – and the weather hasn’t been so great either. The Leafs played two of there worst games ever, and then didn’t like when 2013 Sports Media Canada George Gross Award Winner Steve Simmons questioned them about it. I don’t know about you but I think it says a lot about the leadership on this team that they didn’t answer Steve truthfully when he asked if they were trying to get Randy Carlyle fired – they said stuff like “no” and “f&$@ no”. I’m not Maury but I can tell a liar when I see one and maybe it’s just the moustache but Dion Phanhoof was definitely lying.
After lying to our faces, the Leafs then metaphorically lied to our faces by not saluting us after their good win against Steven Stamkos. I’m really god damn mad about them not saluting me. I demand to be saluted. No one in my family respects me as the patriarch that I am so I know for damn sure that I want my hockey team to recognize it. Let’s be honest I don’t know how many times the Leafs are actually going to win games so every opportunity to salute could be their last. maybe Leafs PR can add “complementary salute” to the fine print when u buy tickets.
The Leafs said they stopped saluting because they wanted to change rituals. Hey guys hot tip but how about changing up that ritual where u don’t make the playoffs every year. Anyways it definitely worked because they then had another win that showed the Real Leafs by beating a Detroit team that was missing their best player. 
After the Detroit game the Leafs did salute the fans so clearly they learnt their lesson but more importantly i am validated.
Leo Komarov vs Nazem Kadri
Lots of talk about Komarov having 14 points while Nazem “The Nightmare” Kadri only has 9 and it is well deserved if u ask me. Komarov does all the things u need to do to win hockey games: compete and try hard. On the other hand kadri is a floater that does nothing. 

Comparing these players makes total sense. They are totally similar as in they are both small, but one plays big and the other one doesn’t. And why have more than one player that is good on the team. We have too many guys that can play the game of hockey if you ask me. What I am trying to say is we should #TradeKadri please RT

Dave Nonis
Dave Nonis showed good leadership this week unlike Dion Phaneuf by addressing the media after the team’s big loss when he didn’t have to. None of this is his fault it’s all the players and the coaching a little bit maybe, and he has nothing to do with either the players or the coach. 

Anyways he said some good things that were good. One of those good things was that the Leafs weren’t going to trade a young guy for an old guy. This was important to note because if there is one thing fed-up fans are asking for is to trade young guys for old guys. Nonis really has his finger on the pulse of the fans.

The 2nd thing Nonis said is that he wasn’t going to make a panic move after a big loss. Nonis has done some questionable things but he has never made a bunch of big panic moves after one loss so I believe him and treat his opinion as credible on this matter.
Well I will say this: this week told me a lot about the leafs – that even when you think they are really bad they are actually a really good team in disguise. They are hustlers and like to fool teams into thinking they are bad so they can pounce later. And after the last two games i am in “buy” mode and think these Leafs are ready for the playoffs. asked me a few days ago and I would have said they’re bad but not anymore. They competed more finally and that’s all u gotta do in today’s game. 
Thank u.

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  • CMpuck

    250? Pretty good brah, I’m stuck on 5 x 5s on 235lbs any advice to break this plateu Bob Cap?

    And for the guy that likes to use my handle on this site, you don’t have to post ‘not my post’ on this one, we already know you’re beta.

    • CMpuck

      Because the guy who says “trade everyone, fire everyone, tank and hope Mcdavid scores 4 goals a game” is clearly alpha.

      That was sarcasm, I know you need me to explain…

      • CMpuck

        If you want to succeed, you need to fail first, you basement dwelling gen y/z wusses don’t understand that, you’d rather talk about your fav pokemons pretend stuff just works itself out on it’s own.

        • CMpuck

          Yeah you’re right, purposely being awful and praying that you’ll strike gold in the draft is a much more intelligent approach.

          *Looks at Edmonton Oilers*

          *Sips coffee*

          The Leafs are in a playoff spot, what would make sense is to make a move to bolster an already decent core that’s currently in it’s prime. Not clean house again and hope that MAYBE this time it work.

          Not to mention that once again, you can trade your best players… But you can’t MAKE a professional sports team lose.

          And I haven’t played Pokemon since someone stole my holographic Zapdos in the fourth grade, douche.

          • CMpuck

            Aw, troll logic, we know you’re incapable of being honest, logging with with the handle Dan today… okies…

            Did the Oilers tank in a year with two franchise centers in it? Nope, so it’s like smart to tank this year.

            But it’s ok that the Leafs can willfully blow off the playoffs with Randy, it’s ok to throw a year away for Babcock though right….

            If and that’s a massive if the Leafs limp into the playoffs it’s awesome knowing they have zero chance of winning the cup. I suppose a troll like yourself can appreciate mediocrity since you spent your life looking up to it.

          • CMpuck

            I’ve been posting under “Dan” for the better part of three months, believe me or not… It’s ok. You’re irrelevant regardless…

            ” it’s like smart”. Your amazing use of the English language astounds me.

            The Oilers got a ton of good draft picks and are still awful, care to explain how in the blazes that could happen?

            No one ever tanks, you waste of space. It’s not a thing professional athletes do, the closest thing being GMs dumping their higher level players. Still doesn’t guarantee a bottom place finish by any means.

            Zero chance huh? I’m glad to know you calculated those possibilities yourself… Using your magic crystal ball… Lmao

            The whole “you must be beta, you live in a basement, you strive for mediocrity” talk must make you feel great. But in reality you know nothing about me, and your insults really just come off as projections about yourself.

            Keep talking about things you don’t have any idea about though, as it’s quite amusing ;).

          • CMpuck

            Ok spaz, no one tanks but the Leafs are willfully tanking on the playoffs with Randy for Babcock.

            Care respond to that? No you’re more of the weasel troll.

            So the organization can wait a year for Babcock but not McEchiel? Why make a pass at getting a franchise center that would make the Leafs fun again when you can draft a another twink like Nylander.

            It’s not a matter getting a ‘ton of draft picks’ it’s a matter of getting a franchise player.

            Magic calculator? Wow you cut so deep wits, it’s pretty much consensus that the Leafs one of the worst franchises in sports and you endorse that you half wit?

            I suppose this is how a loser like you gets off because you have no life, amusing? Hardly you just annoying but I guess this is the highlight of your day fanboy.

          • CMpuck

            Lmfao re-read your entire comment, you’re like an illiterate child !

            The leafs aren’t tanking the playoffs, dumbass. Have you seen their record in the last ten games ?

            Hmm a franchise player like Hall, Eberle, Nugent-Hopkins, Yakapov?

            Surely Mcdavid or Eichel ( not McEichel as you typed above, idiot) are better than all these players and can carry a team on their back alone ? That’s really what you believe ?

            Not to mention that there’s not even close to a guarantee that they would get either player.

            You may be the stupidest person I’ve ever encountered on the interwebs… And THAT is saying something !

            If you’d like I could buy you a helmet to wear around in public ?

            It would be nice and safe for you!

          • CMpuck

            McEichel, read it literally my, my how clever.

            Keep believing in that push for 8th place, liking this roster is like being proud of having overweight girlfriend, good for you loser, you have so much character.

          • CMpuck

            More projection. I like how you didn’t answer any one of my questions lmao

            I’m sure you’ve never even touched a female, perhaps you should try the bigger ladies.

            They need love too.

          • CMpuck

            I would also like to point out the moronic irony of someone calling another “fanboy” as an insult on a maple leafs fan page…

            If you think they’re the worst franchise in sports then why do you care about them so much ? Post about them so much ?

            At least I like the Leafs, and will cheer for them because they’re my team. I can say that’s why I’m on this website right now, child. Your excuse ?

            The world that you’re living in seems like a sad, and pointless one.

  • CMpuck

    I think you were trying to be funny here?

    You failed, PS. It also felt like I was reading an essay done by an eight year old…

    Please do other things with your time, for everyone’s sake (yours included).

    Honestly you’ve always been awful but the whole “I know I’m great so here’s a bunch of grammatical errors” approach has made a blogger worse than I imagined possible.

    Like I said, try a new hobby. I hear there’s a new World of Warcraft expansion out ?

    Perhaps they will appreciate your apparent comedic value and “writing ability”.

    • CMpuck

      Hey Bobby, don’t listen to these guys. This “My Column” article you wrote was way better than your previous one, it’s a work in progress, am I right? Just keep finding ways to improve. And guys, telling him to quit after his 2nd edition of this is like saying to trade Holland away right now. You saw how he improved as he got more chances to play.

      • CMpuck

        … No I would listen to them.

        Bob Cap’s writing abilities are comparable to Holland if he couldn’t skate, shoot, or stick handle, but still shows up to the games over and over again even though he’s been cut by the coach multiple times

  • CMpuck

    I’ve enjoyed your last couple articles. A good change of pace from all the numbers and serious news. It’s good to have some relaxed writing once in awhile.

  • CMpuck

    Honestly I feel like Kadri has been playing great. He is defiantly not like “a floater that does nothing” as you say, maybe last year, but not this year. He has been responsible on both sides of the ice unlike last year. He is laying more hits, winning more face-offs, and playing more of a team game. I rather have this years version of Kadri than last years. Sure the points aren’t there but it will come eventually with the way he is playing right now. Trust me, he will eventually break out. With Lupul and Booth coming back from injury soon, things for Kadri can’t get worse as he should get more points. Hopefully Randy puts Kessel with Kadri and Lupul again. With the amount of time I saw them play, they played pretty good. Hopefully they play some good defence and rack up those points. One more thing I would like to point out, honestly I feel like trading Kadri would be a HUGE MISTAKE. First of all he is a center and we are in no position trading centers. He is maybe the closest player in our team that can be a number one center for now. Secondly, he has potential and if we trade him it will end up haunting us. I have to agree with what you have to say with Komorav though. He has been a bright spot this year.

  • CMpuck

    Time for an executive decision Steve .. you’ve set a very high bar with the quality of your website and your own individual talent, which is considerable … but if you can’t be “management” better get some in who can recognize the value of your brand and do whatever is necessary to enhance and protect it. Don’t think for a second this doesn’t reflect on you.

  • CMpuck

    So you say the Leafs have too many guys that play the game of hockey?

    Well, here’s an idea: we bring Lionel Messi and put him on a wing, then bring in Dwight Howard, he’ll be a good addition to the blue line. Finally, we bring DeMarr DeRozan and Roger Federer, they are real point scorers.

    Just kidding. I see your point, and it’s a good one, but I think I disagree with it.

  • CMpuck

    Wow, a lot of people agreed with my post.
    That’s what the props are, right?

    Anyway, this one actually read a little more like it was about hockey and less about us being subjected to some obscure inside joke between you and other guys on the site, so good on you.

  • Am I correct to be reading this in the Don Cherry voice? Also this: “Hey guys hot tip but how about changing up that ritual where u don’t make the playoffs every year.” may be the single greatest line in TLN history. Big improvement from last week definitely looking forward to more of these in the future.