LGD: Let’s Talk About How Much We Hate The Bruins

Tonight, the Toronto Maple Leafs face the Boston Bruins, who for the majority of the past few years have been the bane of the team’s existence. Be it through hindsight on trades, regular season scorn, playoff heartbreak, and everything in between, the Bruins have done nothing but be a gigantic piss off. To be fair, they’re a piss off to the other twenty eight NHL teams and several others who haven’t been granted relocation or expansion yet.

But today is a new day, and a new opportunity for the Leafs to defeat the super villains of the hockey universe.

The Leafs

Projected Lines via DailyFaceoff.com

James van Riemsdyk – Tyler Bozak – Phil Kessel 
Joffrey Lupul – Nazem Kadri – Daniel Winnik 
Leo Komarov – Mike Santorelli – David Clarkson 
Richard Panik – Peter Holland – Morgan Rielly 
Dion Phaneuf – Cody Franson 
Stuart Percy – Roman Polak 
Jake Gardiner – Stephane Robidas

My only hope is that Leo Komarov plays like, 48 minutes tonight. Put him out there with every group, with his sole purpose being to piss everybody off. Morgan Rielly isn’t actually playing right wing, the Leafs are running seven defencemen.

The Bruins

Projected Lines via DailyFaceoff.com

Milan Lucic – David Krejci – Seth Griffith
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Reilly Smith
Chris Kelly – Carl Soderberg – Loui Eriksson
Dan Paille – Gregory Campbell – Simon Gagne
Dennis Seidenberg – Dougie Hamilton
Torey Krug – Adam McQuaid
Matt Bartkowsi – Zach Trotman

Milan Lucic is a dick, even when he’s not pretending to play with his. Brad Marchand’s nose has a better chance of becoming a planet than Pluto has of making a comeback. Every time I see Simon Gagne’s name on a team’s roster, I go “oh right, he still exist”. I feel bad for Marc Savard but his existence in the Bruins lineup is cap circumvention. Reilly Smith is the least relevant Mimico Hockey graduate in NHL history. Loui Eriksson has had the “underrated” tag for at least half a decade too wrong. 

Zdeno Chara is so old that he gets hurt from his own hits. Adam McQuaid has the most New England-sounding name in NHL history and he STILL had to be taken from Canada. Kevan Miller doesn’t know how to spell his first name. Dougie Hamilton is well on his way to becoming the most linemate-sheltered defenceman in the history of the National Hockey League. Andrew Raycroft won more games in his first year with the Leafs than Tuukka Rask has ever won in a year. Okay, that one was pushing the limits. 

Starting Goalies

Tuukka Rask faces Jonathan Bernier. Rask is an expert at creeping people out with his Finnish Metal Library, while Bernier is an expert at being French-Canadian. In seriousness, Rask can singlehandedly win games – Bernier occasionally has that ability too, but you don’t see it as often. 

Final Thoughts

You’re encouraged to use the comments as a platform to express your disdain for the Boston Bruins. Seriously, talk all the crap you want.

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  • shasan22

    This should be a fun game to watch especially because chara won’t be chasing kessel all over the ice like kessel took his dog away from him. The pregame ceremony should be special. I also cant wait to see glen healy chastize kessel all game and say how bad of a trade it was because hamilton is playing top pairing. I hope kessel scores a hat-trick. Healy is the worst.

  • Nate

    Cant wait for Toronto to beat the bruins by like seven goals, bruin fans start chanting fire Claude Julien, then the following day Claude Julien is replaced by a coach who is so old fashioned he thinks helmets cause concussions then for the bruins GM to strip the roster off all scoring depth with plugs, and in the off season sign a plug for a five million dollar contract for SEVEN years!!!!

  • Nate

    Still not sure how Raycroft shares the Leafs franchise record for most wins in a single season…AND they missed the playoffs.

    Aside, the Bruins managed to turn Seguin into overrated Loui Eriksson, and Dougie Hamilton into a D-man who’s getting first line minutes for lack of a better option. Rask is decent (OK, understated), but I’d still take Kessel for Rask and the other two.

  • Nate

    When a team like Boston absolutely owns you in your own barn and Rask is practically unbeatable and has an amazing g.a. avg. writing such a tongue in cheek column makes you come out looking like a fool, especially when the Bruins wipe the leafs all over the ice.

    I seriously expect better articles than this one.