While I’m at the Blue Jays game…


Are you there, Leafs? It’s me, Steve.

Leafs…I don’t ask for much.

I’ve been watching you for a long time, Leafs. As far back as I can remember, I would throw on my little 93 jersey, plant myself firmly in front of the television, and watch the blue and while battle their biggest rivals.

I remember watching Mats Sundin play with guys that got put on waivers the next day.

I remember every heartbreaking playoff elimination.

I remember Brian McCabe scoring on his own net.

I remember once thinking Mikael Telqvist was the answer in goal.

I remember J.S. Aubin carrying the Leafs to an improbable playoff run that fell short.

I remember Andrew Raycroft, Vesa Toskala, and every other goalie you acquired that isn’t even in the NHL anymore.

I’ve see a lot with you, Leafs.

Now, there is an excitement in the Toronto air that has been missing for a decade. An excitement that overcomes the powerful stench of gasoline, sewer grids, and drunk person barf in the streets.

The Toronto Maple Leafs appear to be playoff-bound, and for the first time in years, the Toronto Blue Jays are not only expected to be good, but to be one of the World Series favourites.

I have tickets for tonight’s Blue Jays home opener, Leafs. I’ve been waiting for this for a really long time. 

I can’t wait to join over 50,000 fans in a packed stadium. I can’t wait to sit back with a beer and relax with my friends. I can’t wait to pay like $10 for said beer. I have had this day marked off on my calendar for a very long time, Leafs.

Which is why, Leafs, I have one thing to say to you…

If you trade for Miikka Kiprusoff during tonight’s Blue Jays game, I hope you step on a Lego.

Despite the fact that James Reimer has been an admirable starting goaltender this season…

Despite the fact that Ben Scrivens has been a more than adequate backup for Reimer…

Despite the fact that Kiprusoff is a 36-year-old goaltender, and statistically speaking, has not only been the Flames’ worst goaltender this season, but also one of the worst in the entire NHL…

Despite all that, you are currently in talks to not only trade for Miikka Kiprusoff, but sign him to a contract extension.

Because the now two-and-a-half decades of abuse I have suffered from watching you all this time, I am almost numbed to the idea of such a bad deal. The Leafs need anything but a goaltender like Kiprusoff at this point, and yet, if you were to acquire him, it probably wouldn’t even be one of the top five worst moves the Leafs have made this past decade.

For you to make such an illogical, terrible move is one thing, but I’ve seen you make illogical, terrible moves before…

But if you do it while I’m enjoying the Blue Jays’ season opener… I hope you wake up to find yourself alone in a flooded basement, except the flood is Lego instead of water, and you’re not wearing any shoes or socks. And the only way for you to get out of this basement, is to climb up 1967 stairs, and every one of them is covered in Lego bits.

Before you do something like trade a first round pick for Miikka Kiprusoff, I hope you realize that 2013 first round pick wasn’t even alive the last time both the Leafs and Blue Jays were good in the same season.

I hope you realize that the only way James Reimer is going to gain playoff experience is if you actually let him play in the playoffs that he essentially carried this team to.

And most of all, I hope you realize, that if you trade for Miikka Kiprusoff while I’m trying to enjoy tonight’s Blue Jays game…

I hope you step on…

The biggest…

Most jaggedest…

Most ouchiest Lego in the whole wide world.

I mean it, Leafs. I mean it.

If you have to trade for Kiprusoff, if you absolutely can’t help it, then for the love of a guy like me who remembers thinking Lonny Bohonos was the second coming of Darryl Sittler, don’t do it yet.  

Don’t do it while I’m walking all happy-go-lucky to the Rogers Centre tonight.

Don’t do it while I’m hanging out with my friends after the game.

If you have to do it, wait until Wednesday.

I can handle you making a bad move on Wednesday, but I can’t handle you making a brutal trade, setting Twitter and texting ablaze, putting everyone at the game in a sour mood, and ruining the home opener for me, and for the city.

Thank you and lots of Lego,



  • TheRealPoc

    Oh, you poor soul. What an awful turn of events that would be, acquiring an over-the-hill goalie to act as insurance for Reimer, which will be soooooo debilitating to your situation going forward. World’s smallest violin, right here.

    I’m a Calgary-born Flames & Jays diehard who’ll also be at the Jays home opener tonight. And if I see you while you’re waiting in a 15-minute line for a pisser or a Dome Beer, I’ll gladly serenade you with how I feel about our respective teams’ situations.

    You know what’s worse than possibly overpaying for Kiprusoff? Watching Kiprusoff literally disintegrate in front of your eyes and get shat on by anyone and everyone in MSM and the blogosphere, despite being one of only two reasons the Flames were even kinda relevant at all for a small window. And when you want to cheer yourself up and think about the future, that only makes you more miserable, because the man in charge of your sinking ship actually thinks he’s bringing back good returns on the only assets of worth he had to start a rebu…oh, my bad, “retool.”

    For 25 years, I’ve known nothing but heartbreak and misery. Because of the league’s worst hockey ops department, that trend will continue for at least another decade. The city you and I share is currently abuzz over a team that’s finally turning the corner – after so much trepidation and suffering – and you’re going to cry about picking up a veteran tender that will barely act as a detriment on your cap situation at all, as if it’s the next coming of the rapture?


    P.S. Blame Kent for tweeting this on my feed.

    • TheRealPoc

      Child please, Flames fans have not suffered as much or for as long as Leafs fans.

      The Kiprusoff deal tonight or tomorrow would be a buzzkill. ESPECIALLY, if it comes with a long-term extension and the surrendering of significant assets.

      I agree with Steve. Don’t do it tonight (or tomorrow goddammit).

      I believe in Reim Time.

    • The absolute, and I mean the absolute, last thing the Leafs need, save a meteorite, is Miikka Kiprusoff. Kessel is still playing with Bozak. Phaneuf is playing with an injured Carl Gunnarsson because the other option is a one of several fringe NHLers, and somehow he still often plays on the wrong side. The Leafs are the single-most outshot team 5-on-5 in the whole league, and yet they’re 6th in the east.

      Get something else, or get nothing at all.

    • As a leafs and Jays fan, I know how Steve feels. I realize Kipprusoff and Iginla carried the Flames for years. I realize you traded Brett Hull, Doug Gilmour, Marc Savard and Dion Phaneuf for practically nothing. Not only that, management let Martin St. Louis walk for nothing. I feel your pain but after all that you have still had more success than the leafs and won the cup while I have been alive and I am 45 years old. So, if you happen to manage to get anything for a 36 year old goalie who said he doesn’t want to move and plans to retire at the end of the year, I will not have any joy for you. I too will be hoping that leafs management will have to walk the parade route with you guys when you win the cup before us again along a lego brick road.

  • TheRealPoc

    Obviously they don’t need Kiprusoff. In fact, I’ll take it a step further: you’d be hard-pressed to find ANY team that needs a 36-year old tender with a $5.8 mil cap hit who’s been rockin’ a sub-.900 sv% all year. You don’t need to tell me he’s done – we all know it and it’s breaking our hearts.

    All I’m saying is, it will be a relative blip on Toronto’s radar. Hell, they might not even be discussing extension with Kipper – they might be talking buyout, considering he’s only slated to make $1.5 mil in actual salary next season. In any case, this won’t be the move that sets the Leafs back immeasurably; there is no need for the flying lawnmower overreaction.

    Besides, with Feaster’s track record, you’ll probably have a good shot to acquire Kipper for a couple pairs of waxed skate laces and a free hot dog voucher at the next Rock home game. Then again, the Flames actually winning a trade with the Leafs could get chalked up to much overdue payback…or perhaps karma for how many awful Dennis Wideman jokes I had to read/listen to in that immediate aftermath.

    Still, if you’d like to swap fan shoes for a while – Kipper or not – I’d be more than happy.

    • millzy09

      Wow, talk about being sore. It’s very convenient to pick the first season in almost a decade that the Leafs have been good and say you’d swap shoes.

      I understand you don’t like the idea of Kipper being at the end of his career but if you separate your emotions from this, you’ll see that picking him up would be a terrible idea.

      1) If Kipper comes to town you better believe it won’t be as a backup, especially considering his attitude toward a trade.

      2) If Kipper isn’t a backup, logic says he’s a starter, therefore Reimer isn’t. How do you get experience for Reimer if he isn’t playing?

      3) If Kipper is expected to be a starter, Calgary will be wanting a fair bit for him, especially since he has a year left. Unfortunately rumblings of an extension won’t help as far as convincing anyone that they don’t expect him to be the #1.

      4) Even if Kipper isn’t a starter, Calgary will want assets like he is because he’s been a franchise goalie, so your comments about how it can’t hurt to have a veteran for insurance is crazy because why would the Leafs want to pay assets on a starter and make him a backup? May as well have Scrivens developing on the bench and being in the mix.

      5) Lastly, are you completely oblivious to hockey business in Toronto and pretty much the majority of places in the league? No one gives a crap about actual salary, it’s about cap hit. I, and billionaire MLSE, don’t care if Kipper is making $10m next year – his cap hit eats up 1/4 of what Toronto has available to resign some important pieces and bring in some new ones, and that’s what it comes down to

      Sure it won’t set them back immeasurably but it will halt the process in my opinion. The team is finally coming together, why mess with it now?

      …Steve, I literally laughed out loud when I read the first line about stepping on a lego. Been there, done that. Go Jays!

  • jasken

    Let’s look at this there would be nothing wrong with acquiring kipper as a veteran presences in the locker room with experience to settle the young goalies down and keep them calm in playoff run or the playoffs. A safety net if you will. But if I am a gm I want give guys who also had experience back and give them a chance to play that aren’t a connolly or komi or both Calagary doesn’t need to dumb cap space they need to build but why should the leafs give up their future on a rent a player who may never play is foolish. Nonis has stated this and he wont do it I dont blame him I wouldn’t care if he was in his prime if I only have him 12 games and playoffs for veteran presences and wont be using him a player for player swap but not off current roster and no future considerations. I am building a teams future not acquiring veterans who are rented players at a high cost in a deep draft.

  • FlareKnight

    I still think the worst thing he did was mention that “p-word” in this. Now that he’s done that I see us moving 2 first round picks for Kipprusoff…The curse is back!

    But in seriousness, I really don’t care if they pick up Kipprusoff to back-up Reimer. Looking at Calgary’s record here it will cost a 4th round pick and he’ll retire at the end of this season. Or we use one of the 2 free buy-outs on him. Still have another free one for Komisarek.

    Yeah, there are more important things to be focusing on. Like the team deciding if Grabo is their #2 center or not. If so, move Bozak out and give Kadri the top line.

    Really the only thing I’d hoped for in the next day is adding someone who can play with Phaneuf on the top pairing. An injured Gunnarsson is hardly my ideal solution.

    In the end think people are making way too big a deal out of this. No guarantees it will happen and even if it does, we’re just picking up someone to backup Reimer. Add some vet presence to a locker room without much experience. With how bad he’s been Kipprusoff isn’t going to be stealing Reimer’s job or playoff experience.

    Maybe we’re so used to being depressed at this time of year we’re just looking for things to be angry about?